Unfortunately, Still Have To Almost Pretend There's Nothing Wrong

I have had this spasms in my back for more than a year and at this point I am most concerned, scared and in even more pain than I used to have. I have been miserable. The pain is excruciating especially when I try to sit down. It feels like I have a huge knife on my side and in my stomach when I try to bend my body.

Last night, I thought that I was a bit bitchy to my partner so today when he called me I apologized to him and he responded that it wasn't just last night, it's been about a month now! I was surprised but I felt sorry for him.

So I realized that even when you're in pain, you have to almost act like there is nothing wrong. Imagine someone who has a headache, when my son has a headache, he's grumpy. How about if your pain is from eight-ten? It is very hard to pretend that nothing is wrong when you're in a lot of pain.

I try so hard to show respect but I can't help talking about the facts of my condition but if other people cannot understand that, I guess I have to even try harder and not talk about what is going on with my body but I can't pretend to be strong and healthy when I'm not. I can't be up and about enjoying myself even though I want to because I can't and I don't have the energy. It is very difficult to be in this predicament because not only your health problem that you have to deal with but people around you. Having a chronic illness can sometimes ruin a relationship, it creates a strain in a marriage or any relationship and it is sad.

I can try harder to be a nice companion but how can I make myself be more outgoing and happy when I'm ill? I might have to do a little research as to how you can pretend there's nothing wrong. I don't know how to live this life anymore. Some people think that you just have to keep a positive attitude even though you're so busy trying to figure out how you can get help from doctors who don't even know what is going on because you have a rare degenerative disease. I am getting paralyzed, that is just my problem. If that is nothing to you, to me it is a big deal because I am the one who is feeling the pain!!