Until when am I going to play courageous? At times I wanted to give up, I feel like 19 years of being sick is too long. But I can't give up.
I have to keep going. I think about my son, even though he's older now, I live for him. In fact I want to be healthy so I can see him graduate, get married and hopefully have children. I wanted to be there for him. Although I haven't been able to do much for him, I'm sure he still needs me. Being able to provide him with moral support is very important. My son and I have a very strong bond. I live for him and our 14 year old dog. I can't wait for my son to graduate. One day after my son graduates, I hope to still be able to spend time with my long time love of my life. I sacrificed not being with him because I wanted to help my son go to school and finish.
It is very difficult to deal with everyday pain, it is 24/7 but I try not to dwell on the pain by finding things that are interesting for me. I get by somehow. One thing that make us happy in our home is good food!
I have to be honest that there are days where it's difficult to hide your pain and the one thing I hate most is to pretend that everything is alright. It's because I live with other people. Those days when I'm in so much pain I wish that I can just live in my room.
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