10/12/14
It has been a year since I gave up gardening. I hope that I will never have to give up cooking! The only thing that's left that I love to do. A neighbor of mine told me he goes to yoga classes at the clubhouse and when I was scooting with my dog, I became very emotional. I always feel left out whenever I hear that subject. I used to cry when I see someone just running. It took many years to get over that. I felt that if I was normal, I'm sure I would have looked better if I had still been exercising at the gym like I did most of my life until 2007. I miss my yoga and body sculpting classes!!!! Now there's not even a trace of the toned arms anymore!
Lately, I had been too weak to do anything. I try to recuperate as much as possible. To lie in bed after a busy day is restful but to lie in bed because that's all you can do is tiring. It causes even more numbness and stiffness in your limbs and torso. It can easily cause depression, sadness, anxiety and everything that would cause melancholy. Unfortunately, you don't have any choice but to beat it, there's no other way. I should still hope that one day I would be able to do things again. It maybe impossible but it sure helps to make the day better. (Just to put myself in a better mood) lol.
Friday, July 3, 2015
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Spinal Cord
The Spinal Cord is connected to the brain and is about the diameter of a human finger. From the brain the spinal cord descends down the middle of the back and is surrounded and protected by the bony vertebral column. The spinal cord is surrounded by a clear fluid called Cerebral Spinal Fluid (CSF), that acts as a cushion to protect the delicate nerve tissues against damage from banging against the inside of the vertebrae.
The anatomy of the spinal cord itself, consists of millions of nerve fibres which transmit electrical information to and from the limbs, trunk and organs of the body, back to and from the brain. The nerves which exit the spinal cord in the upper section, the neck, control breathing and the arms. The nerves which exit the spinal cord in the mid and lower section of the back, control the trunk and legs, as well as bladder, bowel and sexual function.
The nerves which carry information from the brain to muscles are called Motor Neurones. The nerves which carry information from the body back to the brain are called Sensory Neurones. Sensory Neurones carry information to the brain about skin temperature, touch, pain and joint position.
The brain and spinal cord are referred to as the Central Nervous System, whilst the nerves connecting the spinal cord to the body are referred to as the Peripheral Nervous System.
It is important for us that are suffering from spinal cord diseases, injuries or any issues of the spinal cord to know and learn about the function and levels of the spinal cord and it's effects on us. That way, we have more understanding of the pain that we go through.
Depending on which level of the spinal cord our syrinx is, if we know the function for each level and what nerves it innervates, we will have more understanding of our pain.
Nerves called the spinal nerves or nerve roots, branch off the spinal cord and pass out through a hole in each of the vertebrae called the Foramen. These nerves carry information from the spinal cord to the rest of the body, and from the body back up to the brain.
There are four main groups of spinal nerves, which exit different levels of the spinal cord.
These are in descending order down the vertebral column:
Cervical Nerves "C" : (nerves in the neck) supply movement and feeling to the arms, neck and upper trunk. Also control breathing.A person with a syrinx from C1-C4 has the most complications. This is what is referred to as Syringobulbia. This refers to the involvement of the hindbrain. With the involvement of the hindbrain, the degeneration of the disease is faster. There is almost no remission.This is the nature of the disease.
Thoracic Nerves "T" : (nerves in the upper back) supply the trunk and abdomen.
Lumbar Nerves "L" and Sacral Nerves "S" : (nerves in the lower back) supply the legs, the bladder, bowel and sexual organs.
Levels of injury and its effects:
High Cervical nerves C1-C4 - This level has the most complications. Affects arms, hands, trunk and
legs. Difficulty breathing, controlling bowel and bladder movements. Ability to speak is sometimes reduced. May not be able to drive a car. And because it affects the trunk, some end up being bedridden. A person might require assistance with daily living.
legs. Difficulty breathing, controlling bowel and bladder movements. Ability to speak is sometimes reduced. May not be able to drive a car. And because it affects the trunk, some end up being bedridden. A person might require assistance with daily living.
Low Cervical nerves C5-C8 - Corresponding nerves controls arms and hands.
C5- May affect wrists, hands, trunk and legs. May have breathing difficulty. May need assistance with activities of daily living.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Not yet, Bedridden?
The last three years had been devastating for me. Before those three years, despite the pain I was going through, I was this happy, hard-working individual. I went through tough times now and then but generally, I was happy. It brought me tears of joy when I inspired others. I was energized when I was around people. I remember just being able to drive or to scoot to the nearest grocery store about less than a mile away from my house to pick up a few things that I can make for dinner used to make my day ! Meeting an old co-worker for coffee even for just a few minutes or just seeing friends anywhere and have a little chat with them was magic! I brought home with it a big smile on my face that I carried for days. Also it made me feel great when I was able to do things that I want to do. I felt so proud of myself that besides having an illness that is so debilitating, I had the energy to do a few things I want to do. I always felt lucky. And there was gardening then, it was therapeutic.
I question myself now after about three years later why I haven't felt that way for a long while? I thought that I must have been more courageous if I had not lost the use of my trunk. During the first few months that this happened, I was oblivious. But when the situation became weirder as in needing to lie down during flights or laying down during car rides., I began to feel more gray. Especially when in November 2013 when an old symptom from 15 years ago came back, only it was more pronounced that it became even more difficult to be positive.
The pain in my buttocks that goes down my legs has always been there since 1998, but after a couple of lumbar injections many years ago, it was alleviated. But late last year, it came back and it was more magnified and widespread. It's attacking all of my lower extremity, including spasms and pain in my bladder, along the femoral triangle. The pain is excruciating. It's like melting my legs. It is difficult to stand up. I felt like there's no fluids running down my lower extremity. After a visit with the Gynecologist, he prescribed Premarin. I felt this problem a while back, sexual dysfunction. Now I need fluids in all the orifice of my body. My Ophthalmologist said there's a possibility that I could get blind. I have three different eye drops for my eyes and an ointment. I also have drops for my ears. Also, it's hard to sleep not only from positioning but from itchiness in different parts of my body. I have rashes everywhere especially in the back of my neck and extremities. The back of my head where I had a couple of surgeries also itches a lot. Grr..
It became more apparent that I'm now loosing the use of my legs. From being dropped off by my partner wherever we went to not wanting to go anywhere. I'm pretty sure he's disappointed. I felt stuck at home, in my bed, even avoiding to go to my doctors appointments. A couple of months ago, my bedroom was moved downstairs to make it more convenient for me. I was in it all day and not wanting to be anywhere but my bed because the degree of pain that I had to deal with when I stood up and so I avoided going places. There's not much physical activity I can do. There's not much you can do when you're in bed. It's depressing, I think. I feel rebellious at times. I don't know. It's another chapter in my life. Maybe one day I would be more accepting of my situation. Like when I had to stop working, it took me years to accept so maybe this will take years also.
Looking out from my bedroom window this morning, I was admiring the birds playing in my neighbor's roof. Maybe this is the beginning,lol! Starting to appreciate things that you see and do even if things don't go your way. I guess this is the way it has to be since we definitely don't have control over our fate, health wise especially.
I question myself now after about three years later why I haven't felt that way for a long while? I thought that I must have been more courageous if I had not lost the use of my trunk. During the first few months that this happened, I was oblivious. But when the situation became weirder as in needing to lie down during flights or laying down during car rides., I began to feel more gray. Especially when in November 2013 when an old symptom from 15 years ago came back, only it was more pronounced that it became even more difficult to be positive.
The pain in my buttocks that goes down my legs has always been there since 1998, but after a couple of lumbar injections many years ago, it was alleviated. But late last year, it came back and it was more magnified and widespread. It's attacking all of my lower extremity, including spasms and pain in my bladder, along the femoral triangle. The pain is excruciating. It's like melting my legs. It is difficult to stand up. I felt like there's no fluids running down my lower extremity. After a visit with the Gynecologist, he prescribed Premarin. I felt this problem a while back, sexual dysfunction. Now I need fluids in all the orifice of my body. My Ophthalmologist said there's a possibility that I could get blind. I have three different eye drops for my eyes and an ointment. I also have drops for my ears. Also, it's hard to sleep not only from positioning but from itchiness in different parts of my body. I have rashes everywhere especially in the back of my neck and extremities. The back of my head where I had a couple of surgeries also itches a lot. Grr..
It became more apparent that I'm now loosing the use of my legs. From being dropped off by my partner wherever we went to not wanting to go anywhere. I'm pretty sure he's disappointed. I felt stuck at home, in my bed, even avoiding to go to my doctors appointments. A couple of months ago, my bedroom was moved downstairs to make it more convenient for me. I was in it all day and not wanting to be anywhere but my bed because the degree of pain that I had to deal with when I stood up and so I avoided going places. There's not much physical activity I can do. There's not much you can do when you're in bed. It's depressing, I think. I feel rebellious at times. I don't know. It's another chapter in my life. Maybe one day I would be more accepting of my situation. Like when I had to stop working, it took me years to accept so maybe this will take years also.
Looking out from my bedroom window this morning, I was admiring the birds playing in my neighbor's roof. Maybe this is the beginning,lol! Starting to appreciate things that you see and do even if things don't go your way. I guess this is the way it has to be since we definitely don't have control over our fate, health wise especially.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Just Had Another Surgery, my 8th one.
Note: This is an older post sitting as a draft for a while that I just published. I was in better condition then as I was able to travel.
We arrived early in Manhattan after a Jet Blue red eye flight on Friday night, Sept. 9, 2011. Checked in to our Hyatt hotel at the theater district about 8 o'clock and walked to Central Park right away. It was nice to finally see the park which I just saw in pictures for a very long time.
After walking for more than a couple of hours (of course, I overdid again), we were ready to have lunch. Luckily, we hit a good Italian restaurant that served good pasta, a meal that our body needed at that time. We took a cab back to our hotel and took showers and to bed we crashed and woke up just in time to go see the off broadway show, Rent. It was fun. We were hungry after the show and walked around to find a place to eat. Went to Junior's but looking at their menu really didn't give us any craving for their food. A local guy showed us a place for a good pizza, it was actually really good!! After eating, we kept walking and just joined the crowd for the pre-celeb of the 9-11. We took lots of pictures. After 1 AM, we finally headed back to our hotel and we were both tired and slept through the night.
I was asleep when Kev left for the towers to see the 9-11 Anniversary celebration. He just took pictures because it was very crowded and it would be a fight to get closer. I was almost ready when he came back to the hotel. We took the subway, I really wanted to see Eataly, owned by the famous chef Mario Batali, best known as the world's biggest eatery. Everything was gourmet. We tried many kinds of food and it was all great. Then we headed to visit Kev's niece who lives in East Village. It was nice seeing her. On our way back, we stopped by at this famous pizza place called Motorino's but we didn't have enough time to sit and eat. We stopped by Union Square and I asked Kev if I can have a few minutes to buy a flare jeans, (a new trend of jeans at that time) and I did, but up until this day I never got to wear it.
We went to see broadway shows. I was guessing that Kev enjoyed Rent more than Billy Elliot but I did enjoy Billy Elliot, a lot. I was glad we went and saw it. Later, Kev said seeing it was like a tribute to his sister Eileen who was a dancer.
From Manhattan, we went to Flushing the day after to watch the US Open Men's Final's. All in three days!! We were tired, but we had a great time. I don't know what effect it would have on my already spastic torso and aching legs, but I think it was all worth it. We left our hotel that evening and headed for Long Island where my surgery would be done.
I was ready for the surgery, after all the fun we did. Tuesday, Sept. 13, was a day full of appointments. First was at the North Shore University Hospital for some test that I can't recall and then the EMG at 12Noon, next we headed to the Chiari Institute to meet with Dr. Bolognese. When we got there, we were informed that they had left us a message that the surgery schedule had moved up from 12N Wed. to 7AM. After meeting with the doctor around 4:30PM, we were told to go for an MRI and wait for the results and bring it with us to the hospital. We left the Imaging center at
7:30PM.
Kev asked me what I wanted for dinner and for some reason, we had a miscommunication and we ended up driving back to Chinatown to buy dinner. We arrived at The Variety House (where we were scheduled to stay until we leave on Sat.) late that night and Dennis, the VH supervisor came in later and talked to Kevin and I. We tried to get some rest and left at 5:30 in the morning. The hospital is like a five minute drive from where we were.
I was ready for the surgery, no second thoughts and no anxiousness unlike the past surgeries I had. Dr. B. met with Kev and I first thing in the morning and informed us that the surgery will not help my Thoracic spasticity at all. The surgery will cover only the cervical problems I was having. I didn't expect that it will cover more than the cervical.
Surgery went well except the horrifying pain I was in after they wheeled me into recovery. Because I cannot lay on the left side of my back and left side of my head due to C2 neuralgia which after surgery were all numb and excruciatingly painful. I was screaming at the recovery and no one was coming to my cries. I waited for two hours. At 8PM, Kevin came to see me after his excercise. I saw he was sweaty and there was air conditioning inside, first thing on my mind was he might get sick. It was nice of him to bring me some stuff I needed. He also went and bought me ice cream which my
doctor ordered in order for my throat to heal fast!! I know this guy loves me and I love him dearly. He stayed for a couple of hours. And everyday he would come in the morning and in the evening.
Kev got sick, must be from the air conditioning while he was sweaty. We both had to stay in bed for the rest of the time we were in Long Island until it was time to fly back.
I want to thank my partner for this trip. Without his help, this trip would probably not have happened. If it did, it would not have been fun at all and comfortable. Kevin planned it so everything went well and it was full of fun. And best of all I was able to spend time with him the whole time. I love him with all my heart! He is the best!
We arrived early in Manhattan after a Jet Blue red eye flight on Friday night, Sept. 9, 2011. Checked in to our Hyatt hotel at the theater district about 8 o'clock and walked to Central Park right away. It was nice to finally see the park which I just saw in pictures for a very long time.
After walking for more than a couple of hours (of course, I overdid again), we were ready to have lunch. Luckily, we hit a good Italian restaurant that served good pasta, a meal that our body needed at that time. We took a cab back to our hotel and took showers and to bed we crashed and woke up just in time to go see the off broadway show, Rent. It was fun. We were hungry after the show and walked around to find a place to eat. Went to Junior's but looking at their menu really didn't give us any craving for their food. A local guy showed us a place for a good pizza, it was actually really good!! After eating, we kept walking and just joined the crowd for the pre-celeb of the 9-11. We took lots of pictures. After 1 AM, we finally headed back to our hotel and we were both tired and slept through the night.
I was asleep when Kev left for the towers to see the 9-11 Anniversary celebration. He just took pictures because it was very crowded and it would be a fight to get closer. I was almost ready when he came back to the hotel. We took the subway, I really wanted to see Eataly, owned by the famous chef Mario Batali, best known as the world's biggest eatery. Everything was gourmet. We tried many kinds of food and it was all great. Then we headed to visit Kev's niece who lives in East Village. It was nice seeing her. On our way back, we stopped by at this famous pizza place called Motorino's but we didn't have enough time to sit and eat. We stopped by Union Square and I asked Kev if I can have a few minutes to buy a flare jeans, (a new trend of jeans at that time) and I did, but up until this day I never got to wear it.
We went to see broadway shows. I was guessing that Kev enjoyed Rent more than Billy Elliot but I did enjoy Billy Elliot, a lot. I was glad we went and saw it. Later, Kev said seeing it was like a tribute to his sister Eileen who was a dancer.
From Manhattan, we went to Flushing the day after to watch the US Open Men's Final's. All in three days!! We were tired, but we had a great time. I don't know what effect it would have on my already spastic torso and aching legs, but I think it was all worth it. We left our hotel that evening and headed for Long Island where my surgery would be done.
I was ready for the surgery, after all the fun we did. Tuesday, Sept. 13, was a day full of appointments. First was at the North Shore University Hospital for some test that I can't recall and then the EMG at 12Noon, next we headed to the Chiari Institute to meet with Dr. Bolognese. When we got there, we were informed that they had left us a message that the surgery schedule had moved up from 12N Wed. to 7AM. After meeting with the doctor around 4:30PM, we were told to go for an MRI and wait for the results and bring it with us to the hospital. We left the Imaging center at
7:30PM.
Kev asked me what I wanted for dinner and for some reason, we had a miscommunication and we ended up driving back to Chinatown to buy dinner. We arrived at The Variety House (where we were scheduled to stay until we leave on Sat.) late that night and Dennis, the VH supervisor came in later and talked to Kevin and I. We tried to get some rest and left at 5:30 in the morning. The hospital is like a five minute drive from where we were.
I was ready for the surgery, no second thoughts and no anxiousness unlike the past surgeries I had. Dr. B. met with Kev and I first thing in the morning and informed us that the surgery will not help my Thoracic spasticity at all. The surgery will cover only the cervical problems I was having. I didn't expect that it will cover more than the cervical.
Surgery went well except the horrifying pain I was in after they wheeled me into recovery. Because I cannot lay on the left side of my back and left side of my head due to C2 neuralgia which after surgery were all numb and excruciatingly painful. I was screaming at the recovery and no one was coming to my cries. I waited for two hours. At 8PM, Kevin came to see me after his excercise. I saw he was sweaty and there was air conditioning inside, first thing on my mind was he might get sick. It was nice of him to bring me some stuff I needed. He also went and bought me ice cream which my
doctor ordered in order for my throat to heal fast!! I know this guy loves me and I love him dearly. He stayed for a couple of hours. And everyday he would come in the morning and in the evening.
Kev got sick, must be from the air conditioning while he was sweaty. We both had to stay in bed for the rest of the time we were in Long Island until it was time to fly back.
I want to thank my partner for this trip. Without his help, this trip would probably not have happened. If it did, it would not have been fun at all and comfortable. Kevin planned it so everything went well and it was full of fun. And best of all I was able to spend time with him the whole time. I love him with all my heart! He is the best!
Friday, April 25, 2014
Keep Trying to be Courageous
Until when am I going to play courageous? At times I wanted to give up, I feel like 19 years of being sick is too long. But I can't give up.
I have to keep going. I think about my son, even though he's older now, I live for him. In fact I want to be healthy so I can see him graduate, get married and hopefully have children. I wanted to be there for him. Although I haven't been able to do much for him, I'm sure he still needs me. Being able to provide him with moral support is very important. My son and I have a very strong bond. I live for him and our 14 year old dog. I can't wait for my son to graduate. One day after my son graduates, I hope to still be able to spend time with my long time love of my life. I sacrificed not being with him because I wanted to help my son go to school and finish.
It is very difficult to deal with everyday pain, it is 24/7 but I try not to dwell on the pain by finding things that are interesting for me. I get by somehow. One thing that make us happy in our home is good food!
I have to be honest that there are days where it's difficult to hide your pain and the one thing I hate most is to pretend that everything is alright. It's because I live with other people. Those days when I'm in so much pain I wish that I can just live in my room.
I have to keep going. I think about my son, even though he's older now, I live for him. In fact I want to be healthy so I can see him graduate, get married and hopefully have children. I wanted to be there for him. Although I haven't been able to do much for him, I'm sure he still needs me. Being able to provide him with moral support is very important. My son and I have a very strong bond. I live for him and our 14 year old dog. I can't wait for my son to graduate. One day after my son graduates, I hope to still be able to spend time with my long time love of my life. I sacrificed not being with him because I wanted to help my son go to school and finish.
It is very difficult to deal with everyday pain, it is 24/7 but I try not to dwell on the pain by finding things that are interesting for me. I get by somehow. One thing that make us happy in our home is good food!
I have to be honest that there are days where it's difficult to hide your pain and the one thing I hate most is to pretend that everything is alright. It's because I live with other people. Those days when I'm in so much pain I wish that I can just live in my room.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
About Me
Yesterday I played.
Today I watched.
Yesterday I worked.
Today I lay down.
Yesterday I walked.
Today I might just talk.
Yesterday I baked.
Today I ate.
Yesterday I had dreams.
Today I thought.
Yesterday I worked my best.
Today I fought pain hard.
Yesterday I lived.
Today I survived.
Yesterday I complained.
Today I appreciate.
I treasure today because I wrote.
Today I watched.
Yesterday I worked.
Today I lay down.
Yesterday I walked.
Today I might just talk.
Yesterday I baked.
Today I ate.
Yesterday I had dreams.
Today I thought.
Yesterday I worked my best.
Today I fought pain hard.
Yesterday I lived.
Today I survived.
Yesterday I complained.
Today I appreciate.
I treasure today because I wrote.
Friday, February 28, 2014
Rare But Insidious Disease
I am writing this letter to raise awareness about Chiari Malformation and Syringomyelia. According to research, from 1992 - 2001, the incidence increased to 4.7 new cases per 100,000 per year, more than 6 times the rate during the 1960's. Seeing this trend, it is understandable why syringomyelia was thought to be so rare.
As I write this article, please do not feel bad for me after reading it. I want to state facts, it’s not to complain. And please don’t think that it’s so negative. It may sound negative but we should be able to decipher facts from negativism. For me, we should be given a chance to share about what we go through one way or another in order to raise awareness and in order to be understood especially for people like us who have this invisible disability. I’m not writing these symptoms to complain. Please, I warn everybody that if it may affect you in a negative way to please stop reading because that is not my plan. Thank you for your understanding in advance.
I was diagnosed with Chiari Malformation with Syringomyelia in October of 2002. I’m now suffering from lack of sensation for the most part of the left side of my body. I’ve had Myelopathy for some time now. The first muscle that SM attacked in my case was my
Psoas Major and its surrounding muscles. From the left part of my torso, it went up to my head. There is no cure. There may not be stem cell therapy in spinal cord right now here in the US but I used to hope that I could benefit from it. Unfortunately, my specialist told me that I cannot be a candidate for stem cell transplantation. So I’m not looking forward to that to happen. It’s a scary feeling knowing that you are slowly getting paralyzed but I can only wait and see and live with it in the meantime because there is no cure for it now. Hoping that before total paralysis happens, there will be a
cure.
It's been almost 18 years of ordeal. The last two years had been
devastating for me. My condition had just been spiraling down
where I have almost been confined to my bed. The weakness in my lower and upper extremities, numbness and stiffness in my torso and having flaccid stomach muscles that prevents me from sitting up had prevented me from doing things I wanted to do. It’s tough to do basic things like reading a book, using a computer, sitting up, or even looking at my phone. Watching television is included to that. Trying to get some sleep is very difficult, one because there’s only one small spot in my head that can touch a pillow, I can’t lay my back and buttocks in bed because they get numb/paralyzed where they can’t move and creases in my clothing can change my sensorium. Although it may be difficult to lie down, it’s still a position that helps the most. I lay in bed about 85-90% of the day because, for one reason my legs aren’t strong enough to be standing and my trunk is the main reason that I always go back to bed, definitely the trunk paralysis is making all this worse.
Right now, the scary symptom for me is the difficulty waking up or being alert. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I know for sure
that it has to do with the C2 damaged nerves. I had been taken to the hospital a few times before because of this but now it has progressed.
Psoas Major and its surrounding muscles. From the left part of my torso, it went up to my head. There is no cure. There may not be stem cell therapy in spinal cord right now here in the US but I used to hope that I could benefit from it. Unfortunately, my specialist told me that I cannot be a candidate for stem cell transplantation. So I’m not looking forward to that to happen. It’s a scary feeling knowing that you are slowly getting paralyzed but I can only wait and see and live with it in the meantime because there is no cure for it now. Hoping that before total paralysis happens, there will be a
cure.
It's been almost 18 years of ordeal. The last two years had been
devastating for me. My condition had just been spiraling down
where I have almost been confined to my bed. The weakness in my lower and upper extremities, numbness and stiffness in my torso and having flaccid stomach muscles that prevents me from sitting up had prevented me from doing things I wanted to do. It’s tough to do basic things like reading a book, using a computer, sitting up, or even looking at my phone. Watching television is included to that. Trying to get some sleep is very difficult, one because there’s only one small spot in my head that can touch a pillow, I can’t lay my back and buttocks in bed because they get numb/paralyzed where they can’t move and creases in my clothing can change my sensorium. Although it may be difficult to lie down, it’s still a position that helps the most. I lay in bed about 85-90% of the day because, for one reason my legs aren’t strong enough to be standing and my trunk is the main reason that I always go back to bed, definitely the trunk paralysis is making all this worse.
Right now, the scary symptom for me is the difficulty waking up or being alert. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I know for sure
that it has to do with the C2 damaged nerves. I had been taken to the hospital a few times before because of this but now it has progressed.
I haven’t given up though. I used to work hard and kept active. Even after going through a lot of pain, I always found a way to do things. My Mom once said that I got this disease because I worked too hard. I think it’s ludicrous. I used to be fit. My arms were toned and my stomach was flat like every woman’s desire. Not to
complain but now I am very weak and hardly active. My flabs are
growing everywhere. I stay home everyday mostly in my pajamas.
My social life is stagnant. But it’s tough to avoid a stale life if it’s a challenge just to shower andI’m not able to sit to socialize. I hardly go and see my doctor, only when it is really necessary. I’ve only been to church once in three years! I only go out once in a long while, so I try hard to look nice when I do. It may take a lot of
effort on my part to groom but it helps me to feel like I fit in. I like
people who appreciate the beauty of dressing up in order to feel
the good about themselves.
With Syringomyelia, every movement is challenging. Almost ten years ago, I gave up my job working for Waste Management in Santa Rosa because of my inability to sit up. I changed career to suit my disability. I did odd jobs and changed jobs many times, stopping when I can’t and getting back at another. I had to accept a job as a grocery clerk because it didn't require me to sit up (didn't realize until later that it did put a lot of pressure in my spine). I worked until my body gave up. After totally giving up work in
2006, I thought there has to be something I could do. That’s when I started my own business and did it for about a year taking a break after 7 months until one day; my body couldn’t function any longer. In order to continue with my business I needed to hire someone to do all the work which obviously I couldn’t afford. I had to stop for a while but got back at it again after thinking that I can, but I was
wrong. The nerves and muscles of a person with Syringomyelia do not recuperate at the same rate as a normal person depending on
where the damage is on their spinal cord. It’s a fact that people with Syringomyelia cannot have a gainful employment. Trust me weakness dominates. After retiring, I felt sad and useless. As painful as it was to stop the business I had started, it had to be done. My dream of having my own bakery went up in flames as with any other dreams I had. I felt even more sadness when the ability of driving was taken away from me. It was devastating.
The weakness, numbness, tingling sensations, difficulty breathing and swallowing, paresthesia and dysesthesia continues. I can deal with the rest but the numbness and loss of sensation are worse, it’s hard just to get comfortable. I used to say that maybe when I get paralyzed, it won’t be as bad. I was so wrong; it is ten times the pain! Every part of my body that touches the bed turns numb including my head. My brain feels like its being crushed or drilled. Only one side of my head can touch a pillow. It’s difficult to find a good position that’s comfortable, seams and creases in my clothing makes my body feel weird. It changes my sensorium. The pain is excruciating and constant, it could be any part of my body from my head to my toes to my fingers, twenty four hours. Since 1998, I had
dealt with my buttocks feeling like it’s broken into pieces and it’s burning on fire and then the pain extends down the legs and up my waist to my stomach. I can’t lay on them either. My stomach had
been a constant problem since 1995. Doctors used to tell me that there’s nothing on the left side of my stomach. But the pain had been there as long as I can remember. Years later, I realized that the
left side of my stomach walls were the first muscles that were attacked by SM. I had been taken to the ER for it including difficulty breathing, choking, etc. a hundred of times, I’m sure. Had many surgeries to correct it but it’s even triple the pain from before. Because of neuropathy and gastroparesis, each time I eat anything, my stomach got distended as to where there’s no more space for air to go but it still is coming up with more. It is very uncomfortable. The small stomach that I had was replaced with a bloated one that I have to wear a dress or loose clothing all the time. I had a seamstress sew some maternity dresses for me, as those are the only kind of clothing I can wear comfortably. I tried to sell all my belts at a used accessory store. Same thing with all my shoes and
my extended wardrobe from size zero, two‘s and then four‘s. I had always been fashionable, but I had to forget that. It’s difficult to part with them. Reminds me when I had to give up my Acura TL in 2007. My son and I were so attached to that car. I loved driving it as it was so comfortable. I know, it helped with our comfort but it was only a material thing. Thankfully, I still have a roof over my head. I had learned to adjust and appreciate the small things over the years.
complain but now I am very weak and hardly active. My flabs are
growing everywhere. I stay home everyday mostly in my pajamas.
My social life is stagnant. But it’s tough to avoid a stale life if it’s a challenge just to shower andI’m not able to sit to socialize. I hardly go and see my doctor, only when it is really necessary. I’ve only been to church once in three years! I only go out once in a long while, so I try hard to look nice when I do. It may take a lot of
effort on my part to groom but it helps me to feel like I fit in. I like
people who appreciate the beauty of dressing up in order to feel
the good about themselves.
With Syringomyelia, every movement is challenging. Almost ten years ago, I gave up my job working for Waste Management in Santa Rosa because of my inability to sit up. I changed career to suit my disability. I did odd jobs and changed jobs many times, stopping when I can’t and getting back at another. I had to accept a job as a grocery clerk because it didn't require me to sit up (didn't realize until later that it did put a lot of pressure in my spine). I worked until my body gave up. After totally giving up work in
2006, I thought there has to be something I could do. That’s when I started my own business and did it for about a year taking a break after 7 months until one day; my body couldn’t function any longer. In order to continue with my business I needed to hire someone to do all the work which obviously I couldn’t afford. I had to stop for a while but got back at it again after thinking that I can, but I was
wrong. The nerves and muscles of a person with Syringomyelia do not recuperate at the same rate as a normal person depending on
where the damage is on their spinal cord. It’s a fact that people with Syringomyelia cannot have a gainful employment. Trust me weakness dominates. After retiring, I felt sad and useless. As painful as it was to stop the business I had started, it had to be done. My dream of having my own bakery went up in flames as with any other dreams I had. I felt even more sadness when the ability of driving was taken away from me. It was devastating.
The weakness, numbness, tingling sensations, difficulty breathing and swallowing, paresthesia and dysesthesia continues. I can deal with the rest but the numbness and loss of sensation are worse, it’s hard just to get comfortable. I used to say that maybe when I get paralyzed, it won’t be as bad. I was so wrong; it is ten times the pain! Every part of my body that touches the bed turns numb including my head. My brain feels like its being crushed or drilled. Only one side of my head can touch a pillow. It’s difficult to find a good position that’s comfortable, seams and creases in my clothing makes my body feel weird. It changes my sensorium. The pain is excruciating and constant, it could be any part of my body from my head to my toes to my fingers, twenty four hours. Since 1998, I had
dealt with my buttocks feeling like it’s broken into pieces and it’s burning on fire and then the pain extends down the legs and up my waist to my stomach. I can’t lay on them either. My stomach had
been a constant problem since 1995. Doctors used to tell me that there’s nothing on the left side of my stomach. But the pain had been there as long as I can remember. Years later, I realized that the
left side of my stomach walls were the first muscles that were attacked by SM. I had been taken to the ER for it including difficulty breathing, choking, etc. a hundred of times, I’m sure. Had many surgeries to correct it but it’s even triple the pain from before. Because of neuropathy and gastroparesis, each time I eat anything, my stomach got distended as to where there’s no more space for air to go but it still is coming up with more. It is very uncomfortable. The small stomach that I had was replaced with a bloated one that I have to wear a dress or loose clothing all the time. I had a seamstress sew some maternity dresses for me, as those are the only kind of clothing I can wear comfortably. I tried to sell all my belts at a used accessory store. Same thing with all my shoes and
my extended wardrobe from size zero, two‘s and then four‘s. I had always been fashionable, but I had to forget that. It’s difficult to part with them. Reminds me when I had to give up my Acura TL in 2007. My son and I were so attached to that car. I loved driving it as it was so comfortable. I know, it helped with our comfort but it was only a material thing. Thankfully, I still have a roof over my head. I had learned to adjust and appreciate the small things over the years.
Conversely, according to research, the symptoms that are caused by degenerative disease of the spine vary tremendously depending on the specific pathology a patient has. Pain, both in the back or neck
and in the arms or legs, is a common finding. Additionally, neurological symptoms due to compression of spinal nerves or even the spinal cord itself can occur as well in some cases. This can typically cause sensory symptoms (such as numbness, tingling, pain, etc.) as well as motor symptoms (weakness or paralysis, muscle wasting, abnormal reflexes, etc.).Treatment for degenerative spine disease varies considerably depending on the specifics of each case. Some patients benefit from conservative therapy with rest and physical therapy. Others benefit from injections of the spine. I used to get epidural injections in my spine (lumbar and cervical) for a number of years until the doctors at the Pain Management clinic told me they had to stop administering it because of symptoms of spinal cord compression that it had become too dangerous. Some cases require surgical intervention. Yes, I had to go through many surgeries.
Syringomyelia (SM) is a neurological disorder where a fluid-filled cyst - or syrinx develops inside the spinal cord. This cyst can grow over time, causing the spinal cord to expand and stretch nerve tissues. Patients may experience severe chronic pain, abnormal sensations and loss of sensation particularly in the extremities. Eventually, the syrinx can cause permanent nerve damage and paralysis.
and in the arms or legs, is a common finding. Additionally, neurological symptoms due to compression of spinal nerves or even the spinal cord itself can occur as well in some cases. This can typically cause sensory symptoms (such as numbness, tingling, pain, etc.) as well as motor symptoms (weakness or paralysis, muscle wasting, abnormal reflexes, etc.).Treatment for degenerative spine disease varies considerably depending on the specifics of each case. Some patients benefit from conservative therapy with rest and physical therapy. Others benefit from injections of the spine. I used to get epidural injections in my spine (lumbar and cervical) for a number of years until the doctors at the Pain Management clinic told me they had to stop administering it because of symptoms of spinal cord compression that it had become too dangerous. Some cases require surgical intervention. Yes, I had to go through many surgeries.
Syringomyelia (SM) is a neurological disorder where a fluid-filled cyst - or syrinx develops inside the spinal cord. This cyst can grow over time, causing the spinal cord to expand and stretch nerve tissues. Patients may experience severe chronic pain, abnormal sensations and loss of sensation particularly in the extremities. Eventually, the syrinx can cause permanent nerve damage and paralysis.
According to one researcher, syringomyelia is not really a disease unto itself, because it is always the result of something else. By far, the most common cause of syringomyelia is a Chiari malformation. Although there are no strong statistics, about 30%-50% of people with Chiari also have syringomyelia. Syringomyelia can also form after a spinal cord injury (SCI), such as from a car accident or fall; this is called post-traumatic syringomyelia (PTS). PTS can form months or even years after such an injury. Syringomyelia can also be the result of a tumor or mass in the spinal cord as in my case because I was born with a congenital defect of the skull called Chiari Malformation.
Syringomyelia is a very insidious and wretched disease. It is very debilitating or disabling. I can't look up or down nor hold any reading material up higher or lower with my hand, my neck can’t hold my head upright and also my arms cannot hold anything for an extended period so it seems like the only way I could read is if I'm lying in bed and there is a projector that is projected to the ceiling! I use voice activated software because I can't type without being in so much pain. I have to avoid doing a lot of things because I could get hurt. One of them is doing laundry, from putting clothes in the
dryer to folding and most especially hanging clothes because raising and moving my arms, I get
shooting pains from my shoulder to my neck that goes up to my head causing nausea and vomiting. This is because of all the damaged nerves around the root of my arms (Brachial Plexus) and my chest area innervated by the Thoracic spine. When taking a shower, if I use my arms to scrub my body especially my head, I get this difficulty breathing, because my arms get tired, it weakens all the muscles around my chest. If I go to the grocery, I can't pick things myself because of my arms. If I do, I get nauseated and the root of my arms becomes more painful and excruciating. Many times after grocery shopping by myself, I would get very exhausted and have difficulty breathing and usually needed oxygen. After I use my arms to work on something, I get so exhausted and would fall into a deep sleep. Even after reading or writing, concentrating will cause me to fall into a deep sleep. This is caused by occipital neuralgia or damaged nerves around the head and eyes. My eye doctor said there is a possibility that I could get blind. I'm hoping I will be 90 years old by then.
dryer to folding and most especially hanging clothes because raising and moving my arms, I get
shooting pains from my shoulder to my neck that goes up to my head causing nausea and vomiting. This is because of all the damaged nerves around the root of my arms (Brachial Plexus) and my chest area innervated by the Thoracic spine. When taking a shower, if I use my arms to scrub my body especially my head, I get this difficulty breathing, because my arms get tired, it weakens all the muscles around my chest. If I go to the grocery, I can't pick things myself because of my arms. If I do, I get nauseated and the root of my arms becomes more painful and excruciating. Many times after grocery shopping by myself, I would get very exhausted and have difficulty breathing and usually needed oxygen. After I use my arms to work on something, I get so exhausted and would fall into a deep sleep. Even after reading or writing, concentrating will cause me to fall into a deep sleep. This is caused by occipital neuralgia or damaged nerves around the head and eyes. My eye doctor said there is a possibility that I could get blind. I'm hoping I will be 90 years old by then.
I have not been able to sit up for many years now and I tell you it is easier to hear it than to actually go through it. It’s the one thing I dread the most. Imagine if you cannot sit up to eat at the dining table, to write or type or even be in a computer, to ride in a car, to socialize with friends or family, to sit up at church and many others. Watching television is a misery instead of entertainment. To use a computer, it has to be a laptop so I could tilt it to my side and I would lie down on my side in order to use it. Even though I can only use the computer from lying on my left side. The nerves in my head hurt from pressure from a pillow. But it’s better than nothing at all. I used to sew in my spare time, even when I was still working. I used to sew cornices, curtains, pillow cases, couch and table covers. My Mom, being a teacher always taught us many things and she kept herself occupied. From her I learned to crochet and a lot of other things. Now my fingers are weak and painful. I
can’t use them to type without getting in so much pain. My arms are hanging like they have no bones inside. When riding in a car, the worst thing would be to give directions to the driver. I can’t flex my stomach so I lie down and I have the view of the sky so I better not be giving directions because in order to raise my head and neck to look at where I am, I have to flex my stomach and it causes excruciating pain. It must be the one reason why I don’t have the desire to go anywhere anymore. Same thing as when I get in my wheelchair, even though my wheelchair reclines, when it’s reclined too low, it won’t drive. It is extremely painful on my back to use it. Imagine a rebar being forced to bend, that's how I can explain how my spine feels. Walking doesn’t help either; it feels like the root of my leg is pounding on my torso. The best position for my stomach and back is to lie on a flat surface.
When my ankles are bent, I can’t walk for a while. I cannot put any weight on them, if I do by mistake, it causes severe pain. Same as with my wrists, I have to keep them straight the
whole time, as with my arms and legs. It causes so much pain when they stay bent for a few minutes. My everyday migraines went away after my surgery in 2002 but now they‘re back only they’re more intense, it feels like squeezing my brain that comes with numbness and loss of sensation in the back of my head and there’s pressure that goes to my eyes, like pulling them out of their socket. I have dealt with neuropathy, neuralgia, radiculopathy, spondylosis, gastro paresis, not to mention the rest for about 18 years now and it could get frustrating at times especially during the cold season. Also, I get rashes all over especially in my extremities.
Dealing with Central pain is another issue. As with central pain, it could strike any part of the body anytime. While with neuropathy, it’s mostly my stomach, feet and legs, it’s like constant acid burning pain. My torso is the only area that has spasticity though. Having all kinds of diseases related to degenerative changes of the cervical spine like stenosis, kyphosis, and spondylosis can be very painful. One doctor at the spine clinic that I saw in 2007 asked me if the MRI film he was looking at was mine and asked me if I was 42 at that time because it looked like an 85 year old’s neck. Having cervical spondylosis caused me to have incomplete spinal cord injury called Central Cord Syndrome.
As with my stomach, I used to be cautious with what I eat but now everything I take in causes my stomach pain and bloating. I can’t
wear clothing that fit. Anything that would bind would cause my
stomach to bloat or touch can cause me pain. I developed Gastroparesis which is a partial paralysis of the stomach muscles, the walls of my stomach feels like they’re being yanked out and
this include the bladder, ever since college days, it feels like it’s falling out all the time. When I carry something heavy, if I sneeze
or cough, I constantly have to hold that bladder up when I’m walking, working, cleaning, cooking and everything. I had bladder
surgery in 2010, I thought it helped but didn’t last long. I’ve had chronic pain continuously for 18 years now not counting my
younger years because pain came and went. I was only 6y/o when I had my first migraine headache. It didn’t cross my mind that it
could get much worse than what it was! Believe me, I get tired and frustrated at times but I want to set a good example to my son. I
know that some people think that there are others out there that are in much worse condition, but no one will ever know what each one
goes through until they get there. It could be worse and I truly sympathize for those that are in worse condition. In my case it's
difficult to know and understand because I look totally healthy. I don’t have a whole and a tube in my neck or any visible disability for people to easily sympathize, in my case it‘s all invisible.
The dysphagia(difficulty swallowing) comes and goes. Choking and difficulty swallowing becomes severe during the winter months. Also, it could be aggravated by eating carbohydrates and fibrous foods. I’m just thankful that I can now eat, as I wasn’t able to eat solid food before my diagnosis. Then I had to relearn how to eat after my first brain decompression surgery.
wear clothing that fit. Anything that would bind would cause my
stomach to bloat or touch can cause me pain. I developed Gastroparesis which is a partial paralysis of the stomach muscles, the walls of my stomach feels like they’re being yanked out and
this include the bladder, ever since college days, it feels like it’s falling out all the time. When I carry something heavy, if I sneeze
or cough, I constantly have to hold that bladder up when I’m walking, working, cleaning, cooking and everything. I had bladder
surgery in 2010, I thought it helped but didn’t last long. I’ve had chronic pain continuously for 18 years now not counting my
younger years because pain came and went. I was only 6y/o when I had my first migraine headache. It didn’t cross my mind that it
could get much worse than what it was! Believe me, I get tired and frustrated at times but I want to set a good example to my son. I
know that some people think that there are others out there that are in much worse condition, but no one will ever know what each one
goes through until they get there. It could be worse and I truly sympathize for those that are in worse condition. In my case it's
difficult to know and understand because I look totally healthy. I don’t have a whole and a tube in my neck or any visible disability for people to easily sympathize, in my case it‘s all invisible.
The dysphagia(difficulty swallowing) comes and goes. Choking and difficulty swallowing becomes severe during the winter months. Also, it could be aggravated by eating carbohydrates and fibrous foods. I’m just thankful that I can now eat, as I wasn’t able to eat solid food before my diagnosis. Then I had to relearn how to eat after my first brain decompression surgery.
I had eleven surgeries many years prior and I just had three more just the last five years, including an anterior cervical discectomy and fusion at C4-C5 level in 2011, but my condition continues to progress. I feel lost sometimes. For me, I had done everything to get better and have no regrets. I feel exhausted and considering stopping any surgical interventions and even physical therapy, just because I don't have the energy anymore.
I'm ready for whatever happens. I surrender everything to Him and ask for His help everyday. I pray for more patience so I could handle the stress and the pain without getting frustrated. For now, I will just be patient.
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